I’m a junior in high school this year, so I’ve started to think about college more and more often. As I think about my future, I’m excited but completely terrified. Who do I want to be, where do I want to go, what do I want to do? I’m not ready for these kinds of decisions yet! How am I, a girl of sixteen years, supposed to try to figure out her life and make life-changing decisions when I can’t even decide what to wear or what to have for lunch most days?? I swear I am one of the most indecisive people in the whole world!
We have to register for classes for senior year next week, and of course I never thought much about it until this week, putting it off to the last minute as always. I know I don’t want to slack off senior year, but I still don’t know where my limits are. I am planning on taking three AP courses, a Human Anatomy and Physiology class at the community college, and then two more “easier” classes. And on top of that, I have cross country, track, out-of-season running, church, potentially show choir, piano lessons, college applications to fill out, my future to worry about, my boyfriend and other friends to hang out with before we graduate, my parents and three little siblings to spend time with before I move out, a job to get to save money for college, volunteer work to look good on resumes and applications, my list never ends. I have an awful tendency to overload myself and keep myself ridiculously busy. Sleep goes on the back burner. I don’t have the time to hang out with the friends I promised to hang out with, I don’t have time for homework, I don’t have time for anything. How am I supposed to find a balance in my crazy life? I hold on too tightly to all the things that consume my entire life, and I don’t know how I could choose anything to leave out. I love doing the things I do, and I don’t want to give anything up.
So as I try to plan my future, look into colleges, and figure out what I want to do with my life, I’m having a tough time thinking rationally and choosing what’s most important to me. I know that I want to go into health/medicine, and I’m thinking about being a physician’s assistant or physical therapist, but that’s subject to change. So the academic aspect of a college is really important to me. I want a school that’s at least medium-sized, because I want options in the friends I make, and I want the wider range of opportunities and options that come along with a larger school. But how big is the right size for me? Do I want to run for my college? Do I have what it takes to handle the stress of being a student-athlete in college? Do I want to go to a private Christian school or do I want to go to a huge state university? Do I want to stay in-state or do I want to graduate and get out of here? I don’t know. I don’t have any answers. I have no idea how to choose a school.
I have so many uncertainties in my life, and I don’t think I’m ready to find an answer to any of them. The future is scary. And it’s creeping closer and closer each and every day. I’ll be a senior before I know it. My high school career will be over in the blink of an eye. I’m not ready for that yet!
“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” “Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” Matthew 6:27, 34
That verse came to mind, and in reflection, maybe I need to try to focus more on the here and now. Maybe I need to stop worrying about my future and pray about it rather than giving myself premature wrinkles. Maybe I need to shift my focus from what I can’t control to what I can control, here and now; live my life and enjoy every precious second of it while it lasts. Here I am freaking about my future, and it’s distracting me from making the most of my life right now. That needs to stop! Maybe if I run more, it’ll help relieve some of this stress and worry I’m feeling!
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