runfreeforever

Live. Love. Run. It's what I do.

It’s been a while, friends

on December 2, 2016

Hi blogger world,

It’s been a while since we’ve talked last. A lot has happened in my life. I ran my first TWO marathons, the Des Moines Marathon last year, and the Chicago marathon this year (at which I qualified for Boston 2017!! WHAT?! SO PUMPED!). I started pharmacy school this year. I’d say I’ve grown up quite a bit in the past few years since this blog was originally started as an assignment for an English class my junior year of high school. Now here I am, grad student and all, trying to make my way in this scary world full of so many great and wonderful and terrible things. This blog is going to take a bit of a turn from what it was, because just as I am growing, so are the things that I will write about. Some of the things I am going to say will probably not be as pretty as they once were. My life is not as pretty as it once was. I was sexually assaulted in the second week of this semester, and it turned my life upside down. I am still passionate about life and running and food and fitness and many of the things that I once was, but not every day. Some days, like today, it takes everything inside of me to just roll out of bed, after skipping all of my classes, and drag my sorry ass to work, just to break down in tears in front of all of my coworkers, and then drag my even sorrier ass back home once someone came to fill in for me. I struggle with anxiety more days than not. On days like today, I feel dysfunctional, worthless, and weak. I’m just trying to do my best in this big, scary world, but some days, my mind and my body play tricks on me and make it hard to breathe, hard to be social, hard to do my homework, hard to be a “normal” person, hard to do much of anything at all but stay curled into the fetal position and sleep. Some days I just feel trapped in this unknown anxiety, and the littlest of triggers can set me off. More days than not, I just want to run away from everything, or turn the clock back in time, to start over somewhere or sometime new. But I can’t, so here I am.

More is to come, folks. But for now, I’m headed back to bed.

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2 responses to “It’s been a while, friends

  1. I just want to say that your blog has always been such motivation for me, and you are a truly amazing person as well as an amazing runner. Hang in there, it’s hard now, but life can and will be beautiful. Stay strong! XOXO

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