runfreeforever

Live. Love. Run. It's what I do.

800 miles under the sea

on February 8, 2018

I am going to be a little melodramatic. I feel 800 miles under the sea. I feel like my life is something like “Journey to the center of the earth” but really it’s just me trying to drown me in stress and life and stress and more stress. And it sucks. It sucks because my brain knows a lot of things. My brain knows that I”m in an amazing place in life. I’m in the place that I’ve dreamed of being in for so long in my life. I’m in pharmacy school. I’m learning how to take care of patients. I have amazing friends who are supportive and give me the most important thing – their time. I’m blessed beyond belief. I have a million opportunities at my fingertips. And then there’s the other part of my brain. The part that gets too easily overwhelmed. The part that sees that it’s in a busy time of life and freaks tf out and makes me feel dyspneic and tachypnic and my mind races and it goes places I wish it wouldn’t go and yes I have “reasons” for being stressed but my logical brain thinks I should be able to handle it. And my illogical brain can’t handle it. And it frustrates both logical and illogical me. Because I want to be on top of the world. I know I kind of am already on top of the world. But I can’t see it. I can’t stay present and in the moment. And it ruins me and makes me who I don’t want to be and I become irresponsible and unresponsive and uncaring and lacking in the character and integrity and trustworthiness and industriousness that I wish I had. And I don’t know what to do. And I don’t have time to find someone to help me. And I feel stupid for not being able to appropriately handle my life. If I can’t handle this, how am I supposed to handle anything else ever? And I want to find my satisfaction in life in Jesus. But I’m wanting more. And then I feel guilty of wanting more. And I feel like I’ve let Him down in my life. I want presence. And I need His presence. And I need Him to pull me out of this ocean that I’m floundering in by myself.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Julie Yip-Williams

My cancer fighting journey

runberryrun

inspiration from a coach & runner

Miles of Trials

A blog about running

My Dietetics Career

My journey in research, teaching and learning

Two Sides of the Track

Sprinters and Distance Runners

Strong Like My Coffee

A Student-Athlete Perspective on Nutrition, Exercise and Being Healthy!

Run, Kaylee, Run

Strong is the New Skinny

Cura Te Ipsum

Life in the Pursuit of Medicine

Drop The Pebble

Affect the World Around You

ckrunner

Just another WordPress.com site

Librarian on the Run

Skirting 'round stacks & spines!

College & Sports; The Balancing Act

Being a College Athlete is like Being a Professional Juggler

FueledByLOLZ

Running and Laughing through the Garden State

Katie Born to Run

A busy girls journey to the ultimate Marathon...

Now Read This

A Resource for AP Lang Students

Strong-Fit-Beautiful

Health and fitness made simple

STAY HEALTHY with SAMANTHA

Just another WordPress.com site

Change of Pace

Chronicles of my passion for running, fitness & adventure

%d bloggers like this: